I had a most interesting experience the other day. I was chatting on a social network with someone I’ve known for years a few weeks back. We were and ARE great friends; just friends! As is my wife; she also is friends with her on this network.

But here’s the thing. I posted a little comment to her a few weeks back and called her something I always call my wife by mistake (not really by mistake.. I thought it was fine). Nothing naughty. It was just a little word I always say to my wife..

To me that was an incident thing I was typing because I have called others that before (friends, girls). And I didn’t give it another thought until..

..Couple days ago when my wife freaked out about it. She stumbled upon it on the social network while browsing our mutual friends page. See I didn’t realize she connected the word to just ‘her’. I didn’t realize she was the only person in the world I’d ever say that word to again!

But it’s true.. and she made me promise I’d never call another girl Darl’n again. I did.. after trying to convince her it was just an innocent thing that I called good friends from time to time. It didn’t fly.

Actually, I was sort of happy about it.. she doesn’t normally show a jealous streak. I’m like “You DO Love Me!”

So be careful.. you might establish little words like that (sweety, darl’n, sweetheart, baby, babe, shnookems..).. make sure she doesn’t catch you saying that to anyone else. Especially if it’s recorded or on a social network!

Not all girls will care; some will. Better safe than sorry. Again, she normally isn’t like that, but this did affect her.

You never know.

-Joe Taylor

I know someone who for the longest time (since I’ve known her and that’s something like 10 years) didn’t date. She didn’t have a boyfriend. She was busy with work, some charity stuff and whatever else. But never seeked guys or made it a priority.

She’s in her later 30s. Not old.. but the clock is of course ticking if she wants to have kids. …which she does. A family.

The last year, 2009, she decided to try online dating using eHarmony.com. Great! I was happy for her. She finally got up the courage and took control of her love life.

She went on a few dates and it took a few months, but she finally reeled someone special in. Online Dating worked for her! I saw it.. true story.

I believe they hooked up somewhere in the neighborhood of September or early October. She is all worried about getting a ring already! That’s all she talked about the weeks leading up to Christmas.. was she going to get a ring? When will they get married! Obsessed.

I don’t care how in love she ‘thinks’ she is. And I don’t care how well she ‘thinks’ she knows this guy. More time! He’s been married before and has a kid which adds to the need to take things slow..

I met him.. she had to take us out to meet him to see what we thought.. but even though he was a really nice guy, I don’t really ‘know’ him. I can say he’s good looking and seems like a good guy, but in the end, it’s up to the person dating them to really get to know them better.

People can change.. be one way for a few months and then Pow! Different.. or a topic comes up you never really hit on that’s important to you and that changes things. Things can happen. That’s why I believe people need more than a few months before major commitments and life changing decisions.

Why the rush? Yes, the internal clock.. Yes, you can feel so madly in love that you can’t imagine being with anyone else ever again.. but that is no reason to play with something so precious as marriage. I may be old fashioned, but I take marriage pretty seriously. I know things can happen, but they are less likely to if you TAKE YOUR TIME.

Certainly don’t add the pressure of getting married two months in! Right? Am I right?

Even IF it’s love at first site; mellow.. enjoy each other. You have a lifetime.

-Joe Taylor

What do you need out of a relationship? That’s my number one question for you.. because the fact he doesn’t provide you gifts doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you. Some guys just have no clue or are self-absorbed. Some are just the way they are even if they are madly in love.

Maybe that’s what he saw his Father do for his Mother.. nothing. And that’s normal for him. Many of our habits we learn young.

But, yes, you do have to consider if this person is really committed to your relationship and if he really, truly is madly in love. Because you shouldn’t settle for anything else! There are lots and lots of guys out there. There is no reason to settle or to get comfortable just so you have one.

My wife had a friend who has been with a guy for 3-4 years. He’s terrible at gift giving! And it’s not even that he doesn’t know he needs to give a gift at least on birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays, but he finds lazy things to do or things that require him to do nothing extra.

He was even fixing her bathroom and said this would be her gift. He’s completely skipped giving her anything on some holidays; even a card.

But she stays with him.. from what I see, she’s in love with him. But does that mean he’s in love with her? They don’t live together.. he does things to upset her all the time. Doesn’t include her in things..

But she stays with him..

Ultimately THAT is a personal choice. And obviously something is keeping her with him; maybe he’s good in bed. Maybe she doesn’t think she can do better. Maybe something is better than being alone for her.

Gift giving is important in my opinion. Even for non-occasions. A guy surprising their gal with gifts.. just to show he cares. That’s classy. That’s someone that loves someone deeply.

And that’s what it boils down to. If this person isn’t providing you gifts and doesn’t focus on YOU.. is self-absorbed, not with the program or relationship.. maybe you’re wasting your time?

Maybe it’s time to talk about this issue. If talking about it doesn’t help, then it’s time to pull out the marriage and/or do you wanna have kids card? Or say, as I’ve heard my wife say about her friends boyfriends.. sh*t or get off the pot.

-Joe Taylor