What do you need out of a relationship? That’s my number one question for you.. because the fact he doesn’t provide you gifts doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you. Some guys just have no clue or are self-absorbed. Some are just the way they are even if they are madly in love.

Maybe that’s what he saw his Father do for his Mother.. nothing. And that’s normal for him. Many of our habits we learn young.

But, yes, you do have to consider if this person is really committed to your relationship and if he really, truly is madly in love. Because you shouldn’t settle for anything else! There are lots and lots of guys out there. There is no reason to settle or to get comfortable just so you have one.

My wife had a friend who has been with a guy for 3-4 years. He’s terrible at gift giving! And it’s not even that he doesn’t know he needs to give a gift at least on birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays, but he finds lazy things to do or things that require him to do nothing extra.

He was even fixing her bathroom and said this would be her gift. He’s completely skipped giving her anything on some holidays; even a card.

But she stays with him.. from what I see, she’s in love with him. But does that mean he’s in love with her? They don’t live together.. he does things to upset her all the time. Doesn’t include her in things..

But she stays with him..

Ultimately THAT is a personal choice. And obviously something is keeping her with him; maybe he’s good in bed. Maybe she doesn’t think she can do better. Maybe something is better than being alone for her.

Gift giving is important in my opinion. Even for non-occasions. A guy surprising their gal with gifts.. just to show he cares. That’s classy. That’s someone that loves someone deeply.

And that’s what it boils down to. If this person isn’t providing you gifts and doesn’t focus on YOU.. is self-absorbed, not with the program or relationship.. maybe you’re wasting your time?

Maybe it’s time to talk about this issue. If talking about it doesn’t help, then it’s time to pull out the marriage and/or do you wanna have kids card? Or say, as I’ve heard my wife say about her friends boyfriends.. sh*t or get off the pot.

-Joe Taylor

True Story.. Non-Fiction: I was walking my dog last night, and was just about home I saw this cute girl on a bike.

And I thought to myself (almost out-loud!), I bet she’s athletic… and then stopped myself!

I’m married!

Thing is.. no matter if you got a girlfriend, how long you’ve been together or if you’re married, there are always going to be beautiful, sexy, athletic women around you; they don’t go away! (Well, for most of us… especially if you live in a big city or are in a college town. If you live in an igloo with a population of 5 people, you might have a different situation.)

It would be nice if our wedding rings were somehow magical. When you put them on all good looking girls disappeared or became ugly – but then, do we really want that reality guys and gals? Because it’s ok to look..

Here’s the thing… if you are a committed relationship, you have to take the fact that there will always be beautiful, attractive women into consideration and you just need to know when to stop yourself like I did above. My wife agrees it’s okay for me to look; I’ve been caught and got the eye balls (and she looks at guys and makes the occassional, nice body comment)… but in the end, she forgives because I didn’t touch.

You know what many say right? It’s ok to look at a fine piece of art, but you should NOT touch it unless you want to be hauled away… same with women. Or at least that’s the way it should be in my opinion. You probably have your super jealous and insecure partners out there.

But Joe, “It’s difficult.. and I think I’m weak enough to follow my desire; maybe too far!”

REPEAT AFTER ME…,
“She’s Got an Ugly Side..”

This is a little mind game you can play with yourself that I do that will help you get through those moments of temptation. It takes some visualization.

Visualize and think about the issues that girl that you see, that is so beautiful, might have.

– she might be psycho…

– she might have baggage…

– she might have a terrible temper…

– she might after leading you on for weeks or months.. hate sex! Some girls do! Maybe she’s not just playing hard to get.

– maybe she goes cold turkey on you because of some illness or loses her arms and legs in an accident! Becomes paralyzed!

– imagine her throwing out her back one day because her breasts are so large.

– Maybe she wants lots of babies! Some of us don’t want that do we?

You know what I’m getting at? Note, I don’t think there is anything wrong with being with someone with issues, but this is just an exercise to keep you focused on the person you are with and accept the small issues you contend with and can overcome or live with.

This is the key.. visualize those things and repeat after me, “She’s got an ugly side…”

It’s primal.. it’s perfectly natural to have these feelings and desires towards the opposite sex (or the same sex for some of you reading this), but what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is we have brains and can train ourselves; we can form habits of self-control.

So wake up and smell the coffee guys in a committed relationship. ALL girls have issues. They do! The one you are with and those you aren’t. Maybe what you have isn’t so bad and what you are looking at isn’t so hot when you get underneath all that beauty on the exterior.

That’s the real world.

… the grass is not ALWAYS going to be greener on the other side of the fence!!

-Joe Taylor